Sunday, June 29, 2008
chapter 12 blog #1
For chapter 12 I chose to discuss the concept compliance. Compliance is when an individual changes his/hers behavior or personality because of someone else who wants that person to do so. I I chose this concept because this is the sort of thing that certain individuals tend to do when they are in a relationship. For example, say you had a friend who was always the type of person who did what she wanted when she wanted without worrying if her boyfriend would get mad then all of the. She believed in spending time with her friends and making time to do things with them. Then you start to see the changes in your friends behavior and opinions. She would start saying things such as: "I have to see if I can go to Disneyland because I haven't asked my boyfriend," or "I'm not sure if I can go to the club with you because my boyfriend gets really jealous." It gets annoying and frustrating to see your friend change everything that he/she believes in because they are afraid of being alone or loosing their partner. They give up their freedom and beliefs to accommodate the other person when they shouldn't have to. You see this happening in a lot of relationships.
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5 comments:
I agree with you goofy that it is a problem when it is excessive and when the other partner is controlling what you think or do, but don't forget that relationships need compromise and commitment. So when parter B feels uncomfortable with partner A's choice to do something, they need to talk about it. Sometimes is it not so black and white as to say that partner A is looking for permission, but they need to talk to partner B to explain to them why it is important to do what they do. The fear of loosing the partner is what is going to keep them together. I know I've killed a relationship by getting too comfortable, and being sure that it would never end, so I did not try as hard anymore, and there it went.
So yes, many relationships are excessive in partners being controlling, and I do not think it is healthy, but sometimes, it has to be done. You give some to get some.
Goofy, thank you for your comment. I really liked reading this post, and unfortunately this is something that I think almost every girl ha dealt with when it comes to her friends. It can be frustrating when you see your friends change things that used to be important to them once they get in a relationship. The fact is yes, when you get together with someone you will have less time for your friends. But I believe that you can always make time. You shouldn't have to constantly ask your boyfriend to do things with you, or to ask his permission. I was friends with girl who always brought her boyfriend to everything.. Night when we would go out, to lunch. It was extremely annoying. Also if there is trust in the relationship stuff like that shouldn't be an issue, you should do what you want without worrying that you'll get in trouble with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Also I know personally, I could never be with someone who smothered me and wanted to know my every move.
I agree with your post Goofy. My friend was suppose to go to this club with me, but she totally flaked out at the last minute because she knew her boyfriend's friends were going to the club also. She basically did not go with me because she never told her boyfriend that she was going clubbing. The whole jealousy thing plays a role. If she did go with me, her boyfriend’s friends would of seen her and things would have been all bad. Overall, it is annoying to see things like this happen.
It is funny how you mention this concept as I experienced the same with a friend last Wednesday. I called my friend to see if she is attending a mutual friend’s birthday party next Friday. She gave me a very disappointed answer. She said: “Well my boyfriend is working so I probably won’t go.” But our mutual friend was HER friend not her boyfriend’s friend. So, I said: “So?” Since she dated this guy she only sees her self in his world not in her own world. Honestly, I find that annoying. But I guess that’s what happen when you are in love.
I can really relate to your story, but in my case I did hang out with my friends a lot. I went through that recently with a few of my friends that I was really close to for years. They were use to me spending all of my time with them before I had a boyfriend so once I got one and did not have all the time in the world for them, i was a "bad" friend. Take in mind I did hang out with them at least once or twice a week, but that was not enough. These two friends do also have boyfriends and spend all of their time with them and its ok for them to do so. It really got to the point where I got tired of their double standards and just did my own thing. It really hurt to lose two good friends, especially over guys.
I am sorry that you had to go through that, I really hope your friend comes around and realizes that you are a good friend.
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